It is official I am D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D. I can no longer mark the "mrs." box (not like I ever did). I always knew that more than half of all marriages ended in divorce, but I never in a million years thought it would be mine. I was certain that other friends would be divorced way before me. We were never that couple that people said "I cannot believe they are still together" or "how does she live with him?". We were the couple that everyone thought was meant to be together.
How my bubble burst...
It was a Saturday morning and my oldest son and I were finishing up the party favors for his birthday party later that day. My father-in-law was still sleeping as were my husband and youngest son. I noticed my husband's cell phone on the counter and felt an overwhelming urge to check it.
NOTE: I had never done this before. I was not the type of wife to check his emails, voicemails, etc. but I had a feeling.
I checked his text messages and saw a conversation between him and another person. It was obvious from the text that she was more than just a friend. She was telling him about her day and saying things like "I loved how you used to call me as soon as you left and say you missed me."
"Pop" my bubble burst and my heart fell to the floor. I could not breath. I will never forget that feeling for as long as I live. Did I really just read what I thought I read? I put the phone down and went into our bedroom and woke up my husband. I told him after the party he can pack his bags and leave. He woke up all in a panic and came out to the kitchen with me and our son. At first he denied it. But then he admitted it. My son asked what was going on? He told him that daddy did something really, really bad.
I left and went to the dollar store to buy balloons for the birthday party. During this time I felt like I was underwater. I could not see or hear. I was completely lost. I called my best friend, Bianca, and told her everything that just went down. She cried with me and told me it was going to be ok.
See Bianca had found out a year and a half earlier that her husband was having an affair. During this year and a half she had read every single self help and marriage counseling book available at the library.
Biance told me that I cannot say anything to anyone. That as soon as it is out there it is too hard to fix. All the books she read said that you have to keep it on the down low and you have to almost turn it into a game. For example, she told me that I have to act like I don't care. I need to start taking care of myself and make him want me again. But if I beg and scream and cry all the time he won't want me. She said that his affair is a result of him needing to feel in control and to make him feel better about himself.
I took Bianca's advice. What else was I going to do? My bubble had burst and I was drowning under all this water.
After I finished shopping I went back to the house and got ready for the party. Jack acted like nothing just happened and we all left and went to the bowling alley for the party. We set up for the party and slowly all of our friends and family started to arrive.
Did this morning really happen?
Am I really hosting my son's 5th birthday party and acting like it is any other Saturday?
Who here knows?
Do I know this home wrecking whore?
My husband is having an affair! My husband is having an affair! My husband is having an affair! is all I kept repeating in my head the whole time. While on the outside I looked just like any other happy mother at her son's birthday party.
After the party we returned to the house and unloaded the car, and said good by to Jack's dad. This part is kind of a blur, but I think we just started to unpack everything and play with the boys and the new birthday presents.
Then we gave the kids baths and put them to bed. The usual routine. We knew it well.
I asked Jack if we could talk about what happened. He said yes and told me he did not want to hurt me. It just happened and they are in love. He fell out of love with me a long time ago and was sorry he did not have the courage to say anything. He said I made him feel like he walked on eggshells everyday and that I made him feel stupid and worthless.
After he told me how he felt, I apologized. I told him that I loved him very much and cannot believe he would lie and cheat on me. I said that I chose him to be with the rest of my life and that I was willing to try and work it out for the sake of our marriage and family. My only stipulation was that he had to stop seeing her...who ever "her" was. He told me he did not know if he could do that. I said then you need to move out of this house immediately. He said he needed a day to think about it.
That night we went to bed...together...in our own bed.
